…And Baby Makes Two

Here’s the thing about money: it’s a symbol. An illusion. With the exception of those living in profound poverty, most of us don’t need as much as we think.

It just occurred to me, as I sit awake since 2:15am with not much else to think about, that if you actually break down my income, I should not be living like I do. I own a car. I live in a gorgeous house with plenty of space, a nice yard, a wet bar in a tropical-themed  screened-in porch, a swing on the front tree, with a fancy-looking jogging stroller parked out back. I’m typing on my laptop, posting this over my wireless itnernet connection. I have a digital camera that is capturing all of Dante’s special moments, and an iPod mini that will be in use over the next few weeks, as I start to run more. My belly is full. My baby’s belly is full. And he has plenty of clothes, plenty of toys, and his very own playroom. Shit, I have so many clothes I have to donate two boxes full next week.

How is this possible? Not only is my pay scale kind of low, I work only 32 hours  a week.  I am a single mom, with no financial support from Dante’s bio-father.

I guess I started thinking about this because I have some anxiety over my bills. There seem to be so many, and I don’t have a good system down for paying them in any orderly fashion. I’ve said to several people over the past few days, “My only source of stress is money, everything else is great.”

But it’s kind of funny money, right? Because I am obviously not feeling any true lack. This time last year I felt like I had “no money”, but I had less financial obligations. Now I have more income, but far more obligations. I’m thinking of all the things I’ve considered ininvesting in recently, and then I feel like the more you own, the more you owe. And I don’t like that feeling. It complicates life. Dante and I have everything we want and need (except a toaster, but no need to get greedy here).  Somehow it’s all just working. I’m late on bills, I’m accruing more debt, but it won’t be forever, and in the mean time I have some extra time with my son, who is so lovable it makes my heart burst.

I actually think I’m the luckiest person in the world.